Today I was booking it across the ward to try to make it to my journal club presentation on time and a little boy was standing outside his sister’s room. He looked up at me with the biggest, most imploring eyes I have ever seen, so I stopped in my tracks and crouched down to get on his level.
He immediately grabbed my elbow, then traced my forearm to hold my hand in both of his.
“I asked for a truck,” he said very seriously, with that incredibly earnest look on his face. “I’m still waiting.”
He was so cute I just about melted. Another little girl, one of his sisters, popped out right behind him with the same puppy dog eyes.
“Where are all the toys?”
In that moment, I felt like there would be no greater achievement than somehow finding these kids something to play with.
Sometimes I get so caught up in myself and what I have to do that I don’t stop to consider what the people around me might need. I’m so absorbed in my to-do list that I fail to notice when my friends and family might be having a hard time. When I saw this little boy and his wibbly little pouty face, I think it was a bit of a wake-up call; this little boy had something he really wanted, and in order for me to help him, I had to stop and listen.
This definitely applies to my relationships with other people, but also to the way I treat myself. I feel a little guilty slipping away to eat when we have a patient list a mile long and a hundred thousand things to attend to, but I do need to stop and listen to what my body needs. Sometimes I find myself doing things a certain way because my senior residents or my staff are telling me I have to, but I think there’s a better way; I need to stop and listen to my gut, and make sure I at least voice my thoughts. And most importantly, I need to stop and listen when the red flags are rising–when I am dragging myself out of bed already waiting for the moment I can lie back down, or when I am going through all the motions of regular life but feeling numb and empty.
Stop and listen; it will always be worth it.
Residency Rambles 